Marriage remains the apotheosis of a life well lived for vast swathes of the population.
Quite why one would commit to having “the happiest day of their life” quite so early into the book of life remains unclear, unless of course the whole institution is merely a vehicle for tax breaks and a dishwasher from Aunty Maude by way of a wedding congratulation gift.
If such cynical pursuits are the end game of marriage for some, I completely understand the desire to get hitched. If, though, marriage is an entirely romantic enterprise, the whole institution strikes me as mildly absurd. Any contractual negotiator will tell you that the terms of marriage, which its proponents blithely nod along to in a church full of several hundred witnesses, are astonishingly despotic.
Despite this, and the creeping sense that marriage in the 21st century is a little twee and outmoded, many people are still making the dizzying long-term commitment. Naturally, the filtered effervescent world of Instagram in which we now operate means that the moment of proposal must be as outlandish as possible, so as to create the ultimate #Instamoment.
Presumably that was the thinking behind this attempted proposal in La Plata County, Colorado. Unfortunately, things didn’t quite work out that way.
In a startling turn of events, Andrew Schuhmann got down on bended knee to propose to his girlfriend in a suitably picturesque location, framed by the backdrop of a waterfall. Sadly, though, Schuhman fumbled the ring. And lost it forever. Describing the moment to Newsflare, he said;
“Caught up with the beauty of the area, I hastily created the whole plan, getting greedy and wanting a waterfall in the shot.
“I would tell her that I wanted a picture of us jumping off the smaller falls, he would take the picture/video.
“I would keep the ring on my pinky finger, my hand in a fist the whole time to ensure it would not slip off, and to keep it hidden.
“So we waded out and prepared to jump, but when the moment came, I guess I got nervous, and as I dropped to my knee and brought up my hand with the ring to ask the question, the ring was gone!
“In my panic, I told her ‘I just dropped the ring!’
“Not knowing what else to do, I asked in a rushed, desperate manner, ‘Uh, will you marry me?’
“Thankfully, she said ‘Yes.’”
Though some have questioned the validity of the video, Schuhmann maintains that the dramatic sequence was entirely real;
“I had to leave after getting out of the water to go cry behind a rock.
“We took turns consoling each other in the days after, and decided to tell our parents and friends, which made it real.”
Here’s hoping that the ring doesn’t resurface in several hundred years and wreak destruction over our civilisation in the hands of some less-than-benevolent antagonist.